dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm bleeding and have questions
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
