I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
