Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
