Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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