dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize