my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
