...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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