a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
