we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
