Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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