Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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