Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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