its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
