I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
