i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
