Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
