Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
