Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
