you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
