I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is my gift to your gina
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
