Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
