So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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