Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
