Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
