You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
