That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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