it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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