I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
