Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
