I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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