it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
