What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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