is your mom at the bar?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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