I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
