We're like a lot better than the average bears
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
