I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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