no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
