I wish I only lived at night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
