Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
