I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
