Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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