Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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