oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
