Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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