oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My vagina is very pro this idea
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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