like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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