yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
