Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize