I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
