You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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