I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
