It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
