hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
