i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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