i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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