i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
