i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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