Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
