I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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