Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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