I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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