I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
