i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
