I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
