To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
