What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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